Supposed to be getting infused with my 4th round today. Unfortunately my liver enzymes were too high, so we have delayed it a week to see if they will come down. They were elevated before round 3 but not enough to delay it last time. This time – too high.

So, it isn’t ideal. However, it does give me another week of feeling relatively good.
And there is some optimism coming out of this scenario as well.

Before every chemo round I have to get blood taken. This is usually the Monday, two days before Chemo. Then I see my Oncologist Tuesday for results and to see how I am doing. Unless I request otherwise, this is the only time I see my Oncologist(so every 3 weeks). During the appointment with the Doc, we discuss last round and side effects as well as my results from my blood. I was nervous going into this visit because it was also my 3 month Tumor Marker test – which is the CEA test(carcinoembryonic antigen). It isn’t a definitive answer on what my cancer is doing, but you certainly don’t want to see it high. On my last scan with multiple lymphnode involvement and 10 liver lesions my CEA was only 2.2. Which is normal and likely lower than/equal to people without cancer. Well good news – it hasn’t changed, it measured at 2.3. Back in April/May when I had my first lesion removed my CEA was at 13.6 beginning of May and 22.4 just before my surgery June 12th. So all things considered, this CEA has shown to go up in presence of disease. So my hope is that my disease has not progressed. And even more so to have it shrink!

Second piece of optimism is that when the doctor did a physical check he said he could not feel my liver. Which was great to hear because of the pain I have in the front and back abdomen. It feels like my liver is swollen and pushing on nerves and ribs. And it well may be, but if he can’t feel it then hopefully it isn’t too bad.

So now we have this elevated liver enzyme. This enzyme is a measure of how my liver is functioning. With it being elevated that high, it is cause for concern. But it could be attributed to either the Chemo or the Cancer. One of the drugs I take (raltitrexed) is known to cause liver failure and elevate these counts. So, the hope is that with this extra week off, these counts come down. If they do, we can hopefully take some relief in knowing it was likely the chemo and not the disease causing this.

This week I also hoping that the abdominal pain decreases with this extra rest. It would certainly lift my spirits. And even though my enzymes are high, I am encouraged that it may not be disease progression. We will find that out on my next CT scan. Currently scheduled for Jan 20th but with Chemo tentatively scheduled next Wednesday, I may have to delay scan for a few days. If my counts do not come down then no chemo next week and we will just wait for the CT scan to see what is going on in there.

Some other things I have been experiencing. I have numbness in my fingers when I tap something. Feels like pins and needles. This is a common side effect from the Oxaliplatin drug. Mouth sores are another common one, but I have avoided it so far. I did get one in the nose. Its like a canker sore. Again Doctor was not concerned. And then there are aches and pains which likely is just normal wear and tear, but when you have an illness, you are always on high alert wondering if that’s the disease or not.

Overall, my physical health is good when I am not constantly reminded of my situation due to the pain. My heart rate is great, my oxygen level at rest has been 100% the last two Oncology visits. Which is rare for anybody. Where I get into trouble is the mental side. This effects everything and leads to depression. I lack motivation and I feel defeated. Ambivalence prevails and I really couldn’t care about anything. Writing my blog, responding to friends and family, being productive and just daily life can take a hike when I am down. Which has been a lot these past weeks.

But I love optimism and I need hope and my doctor’s appointment left me with that. This improves my mood by 300%.

So here is to a good week off. Both physically and mentally. And to a lower enzyme count next week!

Dan

Nausea has settled for the moment, so have some time get this in.

Had chemo this morning and unlike past chemo, I didn’t feel the nausea until day 3. Today it came on the car ride home. Took the past couple of hours to rest and had some crackers. With this little nausea break I figured I could type a little. My friend Jason is here from Scotland and he was KIND enough to accompany me this morning. I think it was so he could lose HARD in backgammon while I received my cancer cocktail. Made for a little more enjoyable situation! 🙂  (nausea side note – In addition to medication, I use those sea bands and they seem to really help me)

This past week has been tough. Starting getting more constant pain in the abdomen which is then a 24/7 reminder that cancer is invading. Not only that, but when you are on chemo, the last thing you want to feel is something growing or getting worse. It should be getting smaller or staying the same no??? I saw my Oncologist yesterday and while my most of my blood work is excellent, my liver enzymes are high. They weren’t crazy high, so he didn’t have a problem in proceeding with Chemo though. Additionally, the Raltitrexed drug can cause inflammation in the liver leading to a higher enzyme reading. So, I hold on hope that it is the Chemo causing the enzymes and added pain.

He did prescribe me some low dose morphine. I don’t really want to take it, but it may take away the discomfort. Which will then take away the this horrible distraction in my gut. I can tell you it was the worst mood I have been in so far, I was depressed and struggled to find anything happy or something that could distract me. Nothing worked. I was in a dark place and tears would flow at any point. I hated it, I hated feeling like the cancer was winning both physically and mentally. When your life is shortened, the last thing you want to do is waste it feeling the way I did. This WILL NOT be a common feeling for me. I can’t let it. I did go see my therapist and she helped me with some breathing techniques for mindfull meditation. It is training your mind to pull back from those dark places. But I am feeling better today despite the Chemo. Maybe because we are killing some cancer today…

I have this round and one more to go before I get my next CT scan scheduled for January 20th. No question this causes anxiety. Ask any cancer patient. On the bright side, I have seven days of Chemo fog to go…but should be out of it just in time to spend Christmas with mine and Renee’s family. Then hopefully head out to Vernon with my sister and her family for New Years.

Hope everyone is getting their shopping done! I was able to get a bit done, but it was hard when you aren’t feeling very festive. Fortunately, Renee is a creative and shopping Queen! And I also had my friend Shirine pick some things up for me. Thanks Mama!

Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!  (I’ll say it now in case I don’t get back on the blog before Christmas)

Dan

This one was definitely worse than last. The neuropathy (The cold sensation in the hands) initially wasn’t as bad as last time, but I also was more aware of it and with this crappy weather I didn’t test it. What I did get was a chest cold. Which only delayed the fog and the elation of being over chemo.

Also had to ride out the constipation train too. I know lovely eh? But I am pretty much sharing everything in here. The anti-nauseant drugs I take, (Emend, Stemetil, Decadron, Zofran) are brutal for that. Side note – this Emend is 3 capsules for a cost of $150. Most is covered but this one is 50%. But 3 pills for $150!! Crazy. Anyway, these all cause the back log so to speak. So I had to call the Oncology clinic to find out what to do. It now becomes chemical compounding. Take this drug, it does this, oops now you have to take more drugs to counter the side effects of these drugs….and so on. Had to take Lactolose which I find out after can cause severe abdominal cramps. Let’s just say between the cold and this, it was a worse round than the first one.

I am currently on day 13 post 2nd round chemo. Feeling pretty good. Still get pain in and around the liver. Some days more noticeable than others. I have to focus that it is pain from the cancer dying and not growing, but it is tough because its a reminder. When I feel good physically, I feel good mentally. That is nothing new for anyone, but not having the pain combined with a good distraction I get to feel normal for periods of time. These are my mini vacations.

I also have a tough time multitasking. I find that if I am doing something I need to be just doing that. Otherwise focus is an issue. I get stressed if there are too many things to deal with so I try not to schedule much or make plans.

This is a ride for sure. What might be front and center today can be on the back burner tomorrow. Different days, different feelings.

Next chemo is Dec 18th @ 8:15am I will start my fasting 48 hours before so nothing but water on the 16th/17th. The good news is that I should be just getting better in time for Christmas. Although I am starting to stress a bit, because technically I only have till the 17th to get all my Christmas shopping done.

Off to take Audrey to see Santa Claus today!

I start round two chemo today. Looking forward to killing some cancer, but not so much everything else. I have been fasting for 48 hours. It is supposed to help with side effects as well as make the cancer cells unstable. Your healthy cells go into a kind of dormant state and will feed off the stored energy in your body. Cancer cells cannot do this. They need a fuel source and this lack of fuel causes them to be unstable, thus making them more vulnerable to chemotherapy. At least this is what I read on one of many studies. It is American Thanksgiving today. Go Detroit!