Its been up and down for me since we have been home from holidays. I may have eluded to it in my last post, but I struggled the last four days of our trip. I didn’t want to write about that, because I wanted the trip to always feel great. And it did for sure.

Part of my struggles were with pain management and the pending end of a fun trip. The end of a trip for me is a very realistic finite end to things. Will I ever get to come back? Is this the last time I see these things with my family? Things like this go racing through my mind.
The biggest struggle, however, was the ailing health of my friend Dan Tutt. He had started a blog back in 2008 when he was first diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. It was his blog that inspired me to start my own, but it also gave me some guidance in dealing my own disease. Sadly, Dan passed away a couple of weeks ago after a 5-1/2 year battle. I have many thoughts that parallel my own life to his, which makes it very hard. Watching his health deteriorate over the past few months was something that I was living too. I kept imaging what he and his family must be going through. That the fear and dread that had haunted them for 5-1/2 years was now real and eminent. I know because we fear it too. But Dan’s blog was always so positive and it is worth reading. http://dantutt.blogspot.ca/ Sure, there were ups and downs but even in the weeks before his passing, he still managed to keep positive. I did feel relief for him when I learned of his passing – no longer did he have to wonder how much time he had left or wrestle with the daily fear of losing your family. Also the pain and discomfort that can just sap any sort of energy you might have. But I know none of that matters as I know he would have wished to have spent even just one more day with his family. He was 37 with a wife and three young children and I think about them daily. I just want to take their pain away.

I was fortunate to have met Dan for coffee and lunch a few times, but I would have liked to have had more time with him. Our last get together was in early April and I had picked him up and took him to Fergus & Bix for lunch. He had just had some spinal surgery to remove a tumour and a couple of vertebrae so he was learning to walk again. We had a great lunch and afterwards I was able to meet his incredible wife. It was only brief, but we talked about getting our families together and how excited Audrey would be to play with his kids. I really wanted that to happen, but sadly never did. Even though I did not know Dan that well, I miss him. I miss his blog posts and I miss cheering for him to beat his cancer. He will continue to give me strength as he has gone down a path none of us ever want to face. Rest in Peace Dan, you are the man.